A Gathering Gloom

Filed in: blog

Sometimes I’m amazed at how fast the darkness can swoop in, and what can trigger it. The biggest two, as of late, seem to be a lack of accomplishment and a sense that I’ve wasted precious time doing something as simple as resting. I don’t seem to know how to rest without getting depressed that one of the many things I want to get done…doesn’t.

The last two weekends have been high stress, as has the last two weeks. I’m starting to “leak” – say inappropriate things to the wrong people, venting when I should be producing. Always, always a bad sign for me, a signal that the darkness is moving over and that I need to fight it.

I did get one minor thing accomplished last night…I cleaned my office. But I didn’t write–either on the novel or the PR stuff I should be doing–and I can’t find my paper cutter to work on the collateral material I’m supposed to take to Chicago. I did get the bookmarks made, but I need to trim them and fold the brochures.

I think part of the problem, too, is that I’m having a increasingly “dark” feeling about going to Chicago, as if something is trying to hold me back, convince me this is a bad idea. Whether it’s my own gut or darkspot in my mind, I don’t know.

A friend of mine calls this a “artist’s depression,” telling me that it’s tied to the need to create, the need for the dragon to feed. We’ll see. For now, I need to get a few things done before I have to go pick up Rachel in an hour or so.

1 Comment